Baggage

This morning I have been thinking a lot about insecurity. It's strange because many men feel that it's a "woman" problem. We see it on Dr. Phil or Oprah all of the time. Not that I watch those shows, but I've been told. When I take an honest look at myself, I realize that insecurity can subtly infect us all if we aren't careful.

The text book definition of insecure is...

1. anxious or afraid; not confidant or certain

2. not adequately protected

3. unstable or shaky

Insecurity can cause us to be shy, paranoid, or withdraw from social situations. It can also cause aggression, arrogance, or even bullying.

I was reading about the life of King Saul this week and to say that Saul was insecure is like saying that the elephant man had some puffiness around the eyes. He personified the definition of insecure. He was plagued by it from the moment Samuel sprang the news about his upcoming coronation.

1 Samuel 9:2 says that Saul was a good looking guy and that he was literally head and shoulders above everyone else. In 1 Samuel 9:16, God says the Saul will "deliver them(Israel) from the hands of the Philistines."

God looked at Saul & saw something incredible, but Saul didn't see himself this way. When told that he would be the king that Israel had been requesting, Saul replied in 1 Samuel 9:21, "Am I not a Benjaminite, from the least of the tribes of Israel? And is not my clan the humblest of all the clans of the tribe of Benjamin? Why then have you spoken to me in this way?" He's saying, who do you think I am? I'm just a normal guy from the smallest clan of the smallest tribe in Israel. I can't be used, so why are you even talking to me about this?

The first thing Saul did, was come up with reasons why he couldn't be used. He didn't dare dream about what could be, because he was too bound up by insecurity to see that the God of the universe wanted to use a normal guy for extraordinary purposes.

You would think that he would work through his issues pretty quickly, but the pressure of being king got to him even before he was crowned. On the day of his coronation, no one could find Saul. They looked everywhere for him & when they didn't know what else to do, they asked God. 1 Samuel 10:22 says, So they inquired again of the LORD, "Is there a man still to come?" and the LORD said, "Behold, he has hidden himself among the baggage."

Saul felt so inadequate to do the job that was facing him, that he hid in the baggage. I find it ironic that even today we still hide in the baggage. "I can never do that, God. Don't you know that I've been hurt? I can't be a minister, I have a past. I could never be a part of that, everyone will be looking at me." The list of excuses goes on and on and our pile of baggage in which we can hide gets bigger and bigger with each passing day.

Often times, the people that God wants to use most are the ones who feel the most inadequate. Proverbs say that God resists the proud, but gives favor to the humble. There is a difference between humility & insecurity. Insecurity focuses on my weakness. Humility admits weakness but focuses on the strength of God. In 2 Corinthians 12:9 God told Paul that, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."

Did you hear that? God's strength is made perfect in my weakness. God knows I'm weak. He created me, but He wants me to understand that when I am weak I am in perfect position to do what God wants me to do. Then I can't take the credit for it & He gets all the glory.

If God is asking you to do something, He's not asking you to do it on your own. He wants to do the work through you. He is stable and He is a covering of protection over you.

What baggage are you hiding in today? Will you let God rescue you from it & put you back in the position He desires. He doesn't see you as a failure, he sees you as redeemed. Will you dare to see yourself the same way He does?

What's missing?

By virtually any standard, I am a geek. I am OK with that. I have embraced my geekiness. I think everybody is a geek about something. Whether it's your unnatural fascination with Bob Stoops or the fact that all your cups have to be stacked a certain way in the cupboard, we are geeky people.

One of the things that I am geeky about is puzzles. I would not consider myself proficient with puzzles, but I do enjoy the challenge. I have been digging out some old puzzles, & had a couple that were missing the picture. This might not seem like much to you, but if you have ever tried to put together a puzzle without knowing what it's supposed to look like, you know how tough this can be.

I started the puzzle around 8pm. I thought that I would work on it & leave it for later. I had gotten quite a bit done when I realized it was almost midnight. I decided to continue to pursue this noble challenge a lit longer. I was almost done & I thought that if I left it until tomorrow, it would surely have been destroyed by some unnamed 4 year old.

As it neared completion, I realized something. I was missing a piece. Again, this might not seem like much to you. But after maniacally working on this puzzle for 6 hours, I was about to be denied the satisfaction of completing it.

When I was thinking about the puzzle after I had gone to bed, (pathetic, I know) I couldn't help but think about the Jewish word Shalom. Shalom is a word that we have translated as peace, but it actually has a much deeper meaning. It means "complete" or "whole". When you think about that, it amazes me because Jesus didn't come to just to make me feel better. He came to make me whole. He is not just the Prince of Peace, but the Prince of Completion. He came so that there would be nothing lacking from my life.

When I looked at this puzzle it reminded me of something. Sometimes we feel that we are putting the scattered pieces of our lives together without a picture for reference. This is more than difficult, it can be discouraging & frustrating. We feel like it's our responsibility to make the pieces fit. The good news is, God sees the big picture & knows where everything goes. It's not our responsibility to put things together, it's our responsibility to follow God's direction.

God wants you to experience his wholeness, but that doesn't mean that everything will be perfect. It means that we might not have all the pieces & we're OK with that. It means that we will trust God to put things together instead of trying to do it ourselves. It means that sometimes it will seem like there's a missing piece even though God just hasn't put it in place yet.

What's missing from your life? Are you trying to do things yourself? Trust God to give you Shalom.

By the way, about 15 minutes after I finished the puzzle I found the missing piece under the table. That may be another blog someday.

Follow me?

This morning I was reading John 13. Jesus is talking to the disciples & trying to describe what was about to happen. In hindsight, it seems clear what he was trying to communicate, but the disciples had a different mindset, so they couldn't really comprehend what he was talking about. Jesus was trying to tell them about what they should expect.

In verse 36, Peter asks, "Lord, where are you going?" Jesus replied, "You can't now follow me where I'm going. You will follow later."

It's interesting that the same words that Jesus uses here are the same words used he used to call Peter in Matthew 4, "Follow me". In that instance Peter laid down his nets & followed Jesus. This was a huge change for this man, but it was an outward change. He changed his habits & daily activities. We see that he swore oaths & allegiances to Jesus that he broke miserably. After he denied Christ for the 3rd time & heard the rooster, he was a shattered man. He had vowed to follow Jesus even unto death & he had come to the end of himself.

I continue to struggle to understand Jesus' upside down rules. The last will be first or you must lose your life to truly gain it. But as Peter found out, Jesus doesn't love us more when we seem like we have everything together, he loves us most when we are at our lowest. When our lives have been shattered by failure.

In Matthew 4, Peter was ready to follow Jesus, but not all the way to the cross. It was commitment that was based on the five senses. What he experienced with Jesus made him want to follow. Jesus said in John 13, you're not ready to follow me where I'm going. It was a statement that caught Peter off guard. He was a little indignant & was probably hurt by the declaration.

The things that prepared Peter for what was to come was perspective & most importantly, the Holy Spirit. Peter's paradigm shifted after the death & resurrection of Jesus. He originally thought that he would help govern an earthly Kingdom with Jesus someday, but that's not what Jesus intended. He realized that his journey was not leading him where he originally planned, & he was at peace with that.

How many times in my life have I wanted something & God has said, "Not yet. You're not ready." Doesn't God know who I am or what I have planned? Doesn't he understand that I have big plans & there are things that I want to see done? Sometimes I have to understand that I am not ready for the next leg of the journey just yet, that God is doing something in or around me that I don't yet understand.

All of my vows or oaths are in vain because I don't have the power to fulfill them. But when I come to the end of myself, I am in perfect position to receive from the Holy Spirit & through him I am able to follow.

Who are you following & are you ready to follow wherever the journey may lead?

really?

God wants to do amazing things in the world, this is not one of them. My first reaction is a little bit of disbelief. I understand why many people believe that the King James is only version that's right, but to burn the other versions as well as books by Billy Graham & Mother Teresa is a little...um...crazy. 

I'm not trying to be self righteous, but aren't there some bigger issues to tackle? Poverty, famine, homelessness, etc. Yet, this tiny church in North Carolina is using it's 15 minutes to tell the world how evil Rick Warren is. This is mind boggling. The worst part for me is that this gives credence to the people who hate the church. Whether it's right or wrong, this Pastor is representing the global church to millions of people. This makes me sad for this church & for the people involved.

I decided to read some blogs about this & I couldn't believe when I saw one with the headline, "Church Burning Bibles. Yay!" The person that wrote the blog entry stated with glee that they wouldn't have to do anything to destroy churches, we would do it ourselves.


Too often I let pride, ignorance, or immaturity keep me from doing what God really wants. The great commission says to go & make disciples, but we are too busy with things that don't really matter.


What are you & I doing that get in the way of God doing amazing things?

Decimated

I am a history & science guy. I would watch History channel all day long, much to the chagrin of my wife. Recently, I saw a special about Mt. Saint Helens. 

The May 18, 1980 eruption was the deadliest & most destructive volcanic explosion in US History. It dramatically changed the landscape in the blast zone in seconds & took the lives of 57 people. Scientist predicted that it may take 100 years for flora & fauna to fully recover. The area surrounding the volcano was decimated.

This is one of the first news events that I remember as a kid. I remember seeing it on TV, my mom describing why the sun looked funny, & drawing pictures of the explosion on scrap paper. It was something that was fascinating to me as I watched on TV. The truth is that all of us deal with events that change the landscape of our lives. It might not be a volcano, but it may be a divorce, loss of job, or a bad report from your doctor.

When we are dealing with our problems, it's easy to think that it's the end of the world. Most of our daily problems are pretty trivial in the big picture. But sometimes our world is rocked by a catastrophe. When these situations occur, it's almost as if the rug has been pulled out from under our feet. Down is up, up is down, & our whole world seems to be in flux.

It's easy to get focused on how bad things are in our lives. Our pain becomes the center of everything. Our problems dominate our thoughts & feelings. We often feel as if we've been victimized by a God who doesn't really understand or care about us at all. Now we might not say that, but we've all probably felt it.

I was talking to someone this week about a problem in their church. They were thinking abourt leaving because of the problem. I let them know that they should try to work out their issues without leaving the church. This is the healthiest thing that we can do, but it also the most difficult. I think God uses pain as a catalyst for change. We often believe that God wants to change our circumstance, but in reality God wants to change us. I firmly believe that God didn't want my friends to leave their church, but wanted to work through that pain to bring growth. It's easy to see that in someone else, but pretty difficult to see ourselves that way.

James 1:2-5 says...

Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don't try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way. If you don't know what you're doing, pray to the Father. He loves to help. You'll get his help, and won't be condescended to when you ask for it.

God  wants to use your junk to grow you. He wants to bring beauty from your disaster. When the world seems to be crumbling, that's when God is at His best. That's when God really wants to mush our lives into a shape that's pleasing to Him. The problem is that we are usually busy whining...me included.

When my life has been rocked by loss of job or prolonged sickness of a child, that's the moment when I really allowed God to just be God. I knew that I couldn't do anything myself & in that moment I was changed.

Just a few years after the eruption of Mt. Saint Helens, scientists were shocked to discover life returning to the area. The thing that really surprised them was that there were things growing & developing that were not present before the eruption. This was a revelation to everyone involved.

When the smoke from the decimation of our lives clears, we will find that God has begun to restore our lives & create something new. He doesn't want to do it on the edge of our pain or the midst of our joy, but in the heart of the blast zone. The place that things seemed the most desolate. That is the place where He will bring new life & restoration.

Give God a chance to heal you & let's see what develops. 

Mel of Enid

Earlier this week I posted a question on my Facebook profile. What's your favorite movie? It's not a terribly deep question, but it's always fun to talk about. There were a number of different responses. Mine is probably Lawrence of Arabia. 

It's the mostly true life story of T.E. Lawrence(1888-1935). By virtually any standard, he lived an extraordinary life. He was an adviser to Winston Churchill. Churchill wrote of Lawrence, "I deem him one of the greatest beings alive in our time... We shall never see his like again. His name will live in history. It will live in the annals of war... It will live in the legends of Arabia." 

He was personal friends with George Bernard Shaw, Noel Coward, Robert Graves & E.M. Forster. These were some of the most prolific writers of their time. He himself wrote several books including Seven Pillars of Wisdom, for which he never received a penny. All the proceeds went to a fund to help families of British soldiers killed in service.

I was reading an account of the last few years of Lawrence's life. He wrote an unpublished memoir of his time as an enlisted man in the British Royal Air Force. In it, he expresses his dissatisfaction with the way things were & the desire to a part of some thing larger. I could hardly believe what I was reading. This man, who had lived as full a life as anyone, was communicating a desire to be a part of something big. He wanted his life to matter.


The story of T.E. Lawrence is too common. Not that we all lead an Arab revolt against an Ottoman army, but we all long to leave our mark, to be remembered for something great. There is a desire deep inside each of us to be special.


It comes in a wide variety of forms. It may be the car you drive, the clothes you wear, or the shampoo you use. The commercials for each of these lead us to believe that our lives will be significantly improved, and by default more valuable if we use their products. The marketing agencies play on our insecurities & fear that our lives don't matter. They are trying to convince us that all we need to do is drive the right car for our lives to be important. The problem is that every year there's a newer model & new pressure to keep up.


Sometimes we will associate ourselves with someone famous. I worked for a "professional" baseball team while we lived in Fort Worth. It gave me the chance to interact with a number of former Major League baseball players. I will be the first to tell you that it was fun. I loved it. But I also loved to see people's reactions when I told them who I knew. For just a moment, it elevated my status. It made me matter.


We see this in the lives of parents who live through their kids athletic achievements, or the man who throws himself into 70 hour work weeks. We are all looking for a way to matter.


Psalm 139 talks specifically about the love of God for us. It says that we are "fearfully & wonderfully made" & that if we could count God's thoughts about us, "they would be more in number than the sand." The God of the universe can't get you off of His mind.


God looks at us like an artist looks at his finished canvas or a mother looks at her newborn. We are loved because we are His creation. He has been desperately in love with us since the beginning of time & desires for us to know that we were his idea. And just in case you didn't know, He doesn't have bad ideas.



I don't need my church, my job, my auto maker, a clothing designer or anyone else to tell me that my life matters. My creator already did.

Galations

I love the Bible app on my iPhone. It let's me bookmark my favorite scriptures. Last night I was up with my sick 4 year old most of the night, so I was reading some scripture...on my iPhone. Somehow that doesn't seem as spiritual as reading out of a 25 pound King James Bible.

Anyway, I came across a Galations 1:10. It says, "Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ."

Paul wrote to the churches in Galatia. These were churches that Paul may have started, but were later led away from Christ centered teachings. Paul was rebuking the churches for their willingness to follow whatever theory or teaching that came their way. It's crazy how little things change.

We are so quick to adopt popular ideas whether they are biblically based or not. Who are we trying to please? Why do we put on a show for anyone. God is calling us to a life that is extraordinary, but most of us can't get past what other people think. 

When I was younger I never wanted to worship in the adult service because of what people might think. Did I really expect my parents to hang their head in shame if they saw their son worshiping? The crazy part is that I think I didn't want to worship because of what would be expected of me if I did. I might be held more accountable in the future & people might think I should always worship. Pretty selfish.

OK. When I look at my life today, the temptation to be a people pleaser is still there, but it's different. There's a different set of expectations because I'm on staff at a church. Don't get me wrong. Pastors are held to a different standard of living & I'm OK with that. I'm not really talking about what I do, but why I do it. 

What is my motivation for the things I do. Do I live like I do to fulfill my obligations as a pastor or am I doing it because I am so in love with God that it causes me to live differently? Am I living to please people or God? It's easy to get the 2 mixed up & not even realize it. 

There's a story about a pianist who was performing at a concert hall in New York City. He had prepared for months & was ready to play before a sold out engagement. When he walked onto stage he noticed an old man with a sour look on his face, sitting on the front row. He had his arms crossed as he sat back in his seat. The pianist played the entire show & the old man hardly moved at all.

At the conclusion of the performance the crowd erupted. Everyone across the concert hall stood in applause...except the little old man. As the pianist exited the stage to cheers & applause, he began to cry. When his manager stopped him backstage he asked, "What is wrong with you? They loved you tonight."

The pianist replied, "No they didn't. The old man in the front row hated it." The manager said, "What difference does he make? He is only 1 man." Through his tears, the pianist said, "That man is composer of the music I played tonight. If he isn't satisfied with my performance, then it doesn't matter what everyone else thinks."

  
Who are you trying to please in your life?